Comments (96)

AsianGent1986 - 29 Aug, 2024 - 07:07PM

Skit1985

I think the reality is that you’re not over anything and to a degree an element of why you’re on here is to rebel against the vows you held yourself to and your wife didn’t.
I can’t blame you.

Honestly in your situation I would get therapy. Not for your marriage but for yourself. Most people on here are in search for a spark that is missing but I get the distinct feeling you’re not really searching for that but I’m not trying to psycho analyse you.

boav91 - 28 Aug, 2024 - 08:27AM

Both my IE and I are in the same boat. We Love our partners and families but as partners they have become best friend and not lovers anymore. You have fun with them and banter and share companionship but not intimacy in the same way as when we were young. Both my IE and I have been married over 25 years. We both missed the intimacy but neither of us wanted to blow up our regular lives. They are too entwined with our current partners that to try and do so would be the death knell also most likely for the affair. We are sensible to know that. I think we both missed, what many do here, the intimacy and the excitement of a lover and the feeling of being close to someone rather than as any form of revenge. I think frustration drove both of us here.

There are many reasons for people to be on here but think from what I have seen I am not unusual in why I am here.

 3 members like this comment.

Paula99 - 27 Aug, 2024 - 11:33AM

Noir Ce Soir…

I am sure the people that post don’t mean to come across with cheap jokes and weak innuendo…sometimes we like to make light of the situation we are in ….its like a coping mechanism… some are in terrible marriages/ relationships so they need a little uplift…there are plenty of people in here that will offer you good advice but be mindful of how others perceive this 👍

 2 members like this comment.

Secrets&Desires - 27 Aug, 2024 - 09:26AM

And also, When a good girl goes bad ...

 1 member likes this comment.

Secrets&Desires - 27 Aug, 2024 - 09:25AM

I did... To create my glass house so I can't throw stones ever again. That simple...

 1 member likes this comment.

Elusive Traveller - 26 Aug, 2024 - 11:36PM

Can we really justify our own actions while we are here and talk about the other half??

Imnotthemessiah - 26 Aug, 2024 - 11:11PM

What if your partner is not the same one you married? If they’ve turned into a blimp since you tied the knot then you’re not cheating on them because they’re not the same person you married.

 1 member likes this comment.

Imnotthemessiah - 26 Aug, 2024 - 11:06PM

“But your marriage vows” they say. Yeah, part of most people’s vows is “to have and to hold” but no one talks about that bit of their vows which get reneged upon.

skit1985 - 26 Aug, 2024 - 09:56PM

Thanks OP,
Today is my first day on IE . I fall into this category , but not for revenge . It took a while to get over the shock and hurt, but at the end of the day I did my part in the relationship to the best of my abilities and in good faith .

The choices in the order of preference for me are
- Forgiveness and giving it another go. ( Not working !)
- respectful open relationship where kids are not affected much and both are financially less stretched .
- Divorce
- Turn a blind eye and live a stoic life .


Time to move on from hopelessly romantic to pragmatically romantic .

Noir Ce Soir - 26 Aug, 2024 - 09:11PM

I pop onto this forum from time to time and I'm always amazed how quickly what should be the topic of conversation descends into weak jokes and cheap innuendo. It's a shame because some people really need to talk about this and get true support from their fellow adulterers. This is not a path one treads lightly and it would be good to share the burden and guilt in a serious forum occasionally. Sadly that doesn't look like it will ever happen.