Comments (67)

1660660 - 06 May, 2024 - 06:02PM

People who think the world would collapsed are probably miserable because their expectations don’t match up with their (lack of) perspective🤣

No one is irreplaceable.

Communication is a two way process. Unilateral venting should be reserved for the therapy chair. If someone’s daily chat is just whinging then that’s not really on from them. On the other hand it would be nice for an IE to be a confidant to share some of the life difficulties only you two can talk about.

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Pink Eiga - 06 May, 2024 - 10:48AM

Paula99 - 06 May, 2024 - 06:56AM

That sounds very familiar. And then when they’re taking a break, and you maybe try sneaking in a tiny bit of your stash of things to offload (because let’s face it, we all have issues), you’re met with silence or a mere monosyllable.

When comms is a one way street … 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

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Paula99 - 06 May, 2024 - 06:56AM

Agree with Pink Eiga…

It’s important to beable to communicate…..having a good/ bad day at work and understanding each others ‘difficulties’ in the work/life balance..I am all for that but when you have some guy droning on about his profession and how the place wouldn’t survive without him…his wife won’t have sex with him..plays 10 different types of sports/hobbies and has God knows what else is going on in his head…🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩


Makes a mental note ….LESS IS MORE

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Pink Eiga - 05 May, 2024 - 11:52PM

It is whether the venting is only from one party or are both individuals equally encouraging of each other’s offloads.

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TJJ89_fun - 05 May, 2024 - 11:30PM

I may be different to everybody else but I honestly wouldn’t mind that at all. A great IE should be an escape from the boring normal everyday life and if she wants to vent to me for a while, then I say go for it! Xx

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1660776 - 05 May, 2024 - 11:20PM

All emotion is energy in motion and fuel for alchemical fires including sexual kung-fu/chi life force.

Unfortunately, unless you're parked at the foot of a mystical monk figure, alchemising emotion is not readily taught.

On that note, dumping emotional baggage, is a turn off in the 'wrong' company. Discernment is key. A 'trusted' support network outside of ie, highly beneficial.

1660660 - 05 May, 2024 - 10:38PM

It’s good to share positivity. Energy vampires are a real thing! Maybe some discussion early doors would help those who don’t want to know too much about the other home life- and be upfront about it?

1447655 - 05 May, 2024 - 10:08PM

Ahh, I know this category - Energy Vampires!

Sharing troubles is part of a long term lover/friends relationships for many I admit to being pretty emphatic and, in the past, very nurturing. Kindness is very easy to take advantage of though. Some people just are a 'conveyor-belt of crisis', theirs is a life of drama (as they see it). Eventually you have to point it out to them that their life is frankly a shambolic joke and they either stop draining you or you walk away.

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GrahamFitz - 05 May, 2024 - 06:56PM

The OP may be describing me. As a relative newbie I'm still figuring out where the different levels are, but once I start to feel comfortable with someone, even over messages, I have the inclination to let my guard down and say what I'm thinking. Right now I'm dialing that back. Not only is it probably unwelcome but it's not good for me to be too emotionally open too early. It seems at first to defeat the whole purpose of what is inherently an escapist activity, but I'm orienting towards more businesslike. I'll probably have to counter correct or end up coming across as closed off and stilted. (Cue comments about black and white thinking, men lacking emotional range etc. Possibly correct in my case, but I'm trying to learn at least.)

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1664170 - 05 May, 2024 - 06:45PM

Unless you have agreed a purely transactional physical relationship, real life is bound to leak through , particularly if you are having a longer term relationship.

I don't mind it, as long as it doesn't dominate our time together .

In my experience of IE relationships my lovers have been my friends also and that being true I want to support them emotionally ( to an extent ....I'm not a therapist after all )

I don't (think) I bring complaints about my life through to relationships . Getting to know each other is interesting and helps the intimate connection to blossom

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