Comments (172)

Mr Bright side 73 - 26 Sep, 2023 - 01:17PM

I totally agree with Funkopop.
Any cold feet should come before arranging a meet. Depending upon the circumstances that both sides are in, it could mean additional stress to arrange things so Tom that you’re able to make the meet the other person, and then, if one side cancels, it means the additional stress and risk of being caught in the setting up of the meet, has no reward.

1625197 - 26 Sep, 2023 - 01:05PM

I think a lot of guys specifically get cold feet because they are not sure what they want, fear of getting caught is just an excuse.

They THINK they want sex or a relationship outside their marriage, but what they really just want is that feeling of wanted, desired by someone other than their partner. If that's the case, then maybe somebody agreeing to meet with them is all they need, and once they get that, their motivation isn't enough to overcome their fear.

It's important to be honest with themselves and remember there's another human with feelings that's getting messed around whilst they figure it out. If you wouldn't go to a job interview for a job you don't want, don't do this, it's the same.

 4 members like this comment.

1588157 - 26 Sep, 2023 - 11:46AM

Legs and Eyes

Maybe he should have worn a paper bag wit two eye holes cut in ?

as per my profile Pics

P911 undercover

 2 members like this comment.

Legs&Eyes - 26 Sep, 2023 - 10:10AM

2 guys in the last few months have met me - and then literally gone through a panic attack sat in a public place with me!!!

One told how much he loved his girlfriend (nice...) and he 'shouldnt be sat here'... the other went through absolute panic and decided we could only ever meet in bedrooms going forward and never in a public place!!!!

WHAT????

So, male or female - if you have cold feet - stay at home!! Call it off.
Because I honestly cant tell you how uncomfortable and time-wasting it is for me to sit there and see in someones eyes that they are in a state of absolute paranoia...it's not worth my time, petrol or perfume on a meeting like that... for a while, it was enough for me to consider leaving all this behind...

And yet - it's not me thats the problem!!! So... when I hear 'single girls are a risk'... Haha..... Ding, ding, move on.....

 3 members like this comment.

Boudicca - 26 Sep, 2023 - 09:30AM

Remember, you’re more likely to get caught if you’re acting out how you feel, guilty.
Cold feet are natural, after all, you’re going against a societal expectation and you’re programmed to think that non monogamy is abnormal.
I’d meet sooner rather than later, there’s nothing wrong with meeting someone for a walk or a coffee. We do that with our friends all the time.
A little reframing is probably needed your end to allow you to feel less guilty.

1393321 - 04 Jul, 2021 - 08:47AM

No one has mentioned a video chat first to gauge connection. I often do that if the person is a fair distance away because driving more than an hour for a first coffee date is too much of a risk if we might not hit it off.

When we do meet, I like somewhere natural like a park. Less pressure, less can go wrong. A table for coffee always seems like a good idea but I can knock it all over and into his lap! A walk in the the park, check for compatibility, tick, followed by a cuppa somewhere. And definitely in an area where neither of us will know anyone. Then I like to follow it up with a second date quite soon to get the momentum rolling.

That's how I deal with pre date nerves.

 1 member likes this comment.

Bxx74 - 04 Jul, 2021 - 04:08AM

Id say your potential meet will be just as nervous. Always meet in a public place, but somewhere further than normal go. Just so there is less chance bumping in to someone you know.

15021401 - 11 Jun, 2020 - 09:12PM

Isn’t the simple point to do this with the consent of your partner (who may like the opportunity to do likewise)
You can then support each. Much safer and surely much more enjoyable.

1048578 - 21 May, 2020 - 02:44PM

i think to key to avoiding being caught is to avoid outright lies. Try to meet someone whilst doing something normal in your life, you can just omit the meeting part when chatting normally about your day.

ClassyLady77 - 19 May, 2020 - 06:04PM

Stick with what you feel comfortable with know you’re limits and what you would usually do...

I’ve met a lot of men who get cold feet but they don’t admit it.. they make up some BS.

So just be honest with your AP...

 2 members like this comment.